Friday, October 28, 2011

My final words.

To the livers of the world:

Just for the record I didn't mean "livers" as in the body part, I meant the "livers" as in
"the people who live in".

Glad we cleared that up.

This is my life story, for you who is reading this. Hmm... perhaps I should make my writing more


But no. Not like that.

My life started when I was conceived, as did my trouble.
As a fetus I was always in my mother's womb.

I don't remember being in the womb so I'll leave that part out.

When I was six years old I had a lisp.

When I turned seven I still had a lisp.

I decided not to talk anymore when I turned eight, so I'll leave that part out too.

In my early twenties I met the love of my life, Polly. Sure, being in love with a parrot is not an easy life, but I chose to live it.

Polly ate, slept, repeated everything and pooped.

..I soon got a divorce. Polly wasn't my true love, after all.

Soon after THAT heartbreak, Mary-Etta-Jane-Anne came into my sad life.

She also soon left. And that I was happy for because M.E.J.A was...well...stupid.

At least Polly could poop in one spot.

After lonely sad seconds of waiting, I fell in love again. This time to a woman named Bob.

I'll admit, Bob had a few manly features, but she assured me she was a woman.

I married her in a week.

Bob soon gave birth to seven and a half children.

The half was part parrot.

We named them

Bob Jr



Bob Jr Jr



and Jimmy.

I'm almost at the end of my scroll, so I'll finish quickly.

I'm old, therefore dying. Life sucks.


Bob and I stayed married until our deaths. Which is like, in a minute.

Our kids changed their names (who knows why) and Jimmy works in a circus. Life is good. And sucky too, I guess.

Well, I'm still not

Talk to you later!

(For the record I wrote that for Linda 'cause she found a scroll and wanted me to write something on it. Cool, eh?)

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Call the witch doctor!

*pretends to put thumbs through suspenders* Weeeeell. I've decided it was high time to write a blog.

*insert sarcastic clap here*

Though I must say, for all the time I haven't written a blog nothing really new has happened. Except maybe...I'm taller?

Oooh! I have a demon chasing me around!

That sounded odder than I meant it to. Hum. Sorry.

What I meant was,

I have a rooster who hates me! *chorus of children going "yay!"*

Walter. Walter the Rooster. Don't call him Wally or he will find you.


a couple of months ago mom bought some little day old hen-chicks. (Pullets?)

And I LOVED them 'cause they weren't the regular yellow fuzzy chickies, they were brown, and black, and white and probably other colours but I don't wanna sit here and try to remember it right now.

Soon, the henchickpullets got too big for their temporary pen.
So we moved them. (What? Noooooo...)

Oh my yes we moved them outside in a new pen. And they kept gettin' bigger and bigger and bigger until they were about the size of a small shoe.

I was the first to notice one of our ladies was not a lady at all.

Elena was skeptical, but I was sure. So I named him Walter. I would say "Good morning, Walter!" and "Goodbye, Walter!" and "My, Walter you looked better everyday!" and "Call me sometime!"

I loved Walter. I scattered food for him, and told him he was a fine looking rooster, too.

Then he started to cock-a-doodle!

It was ADORABLE! He sucked at it!

It sounded like,


Well, it sounded like Homer choking Bart Simpson in a mower while eating something.

(What was the picture that popped into your head? >:) )

And, even though he sucked SO bad that it made me flinch to hear him, I would always yell "GOOD JOB, WALTER!!"

But all fun and games ended a while after that. I don't remember when he first chased me, but I remember the second.

It had been made known to all at home that Walter hated me.

One day Linda was grilling something and I was walking to her. I turned and saw Walter like, twenty feet off, so I went "Come at me, bro!"


The booger chased me!! I screamed "HOLY HE'S COMING AT ME!!" and ran to Linda 'cause for some reason Walter only hates me. Not Linda. He's a nice chicken when Linda's around.

Linda laughed at me. So did I. At me. 'Cause it was funny. And I wasn't wearing shoes so I couldn't kick him or anything.


So I have a demon.

Now I'm all like "Game on, Newbsta!" which Walter hates.

Can't kill 'im though. I don't know why. Maybe 'cause I still like the stinker. I dunno.


I'm sure there's a lot more new stuff than that. I'll just have to remember it.

*taps fingers on desk*


That's all.

She gone!

Thursday, April 7, 2011



CSI is on and some guy just said he owned a pine tree.

But I own the pine tree!!

I didn't know Iora Deniro... no I'm not her boyfriend!!! *slaps*


I'll have to shut my brain off to the outside world.




News.. er..

I was so hot today I took off my socks! :D :D :D

FYI, I have a very cold feet issue.

Like, one time when I was little, it was sometime in the fall, and I felt sick. My head was spinning I felt like puking, so I informed Mom I was gonna lay down on the couch.

She said fine.

I grabbed the nearest blanket
('cause let's face it, you can't be sick and on the couch without a blanket) (at least in the fall) (In the summer it's pretty hot) (Unless you have AC) (in which case you shouldn't be sick in the summer you dolt)



I grabbed the nearest blanket and buried myself under it.

Almost as soon as my feet were covered I felt better.

My feet were so cold I was sick.

So I put on socks and lived happily ever after.

Also my pinky toe is always pregnant. And purple.


Yay for warmer weather!!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


I'm gonna complain.

So be ready.



I'm doomed forever to be a picture-less blog.

I don't have the skillz.

..or a camera for that matter...

..or a cute little boy with really long brown eyelashes or a cute little girl with a blonde ponytail sticking from the top of her head or a curly haired little girl who doesn't stay still when a camera is pointed at her or a curly haired blonde boy who spills soap everywhere! OR their sibblings!

I say again,

I'm DOOMED to be a picture-less blog!

All I have is this!!!!


On second thought,

I think I rather like being a picture-less blog....

Monday, February 21, 2011

Family day!

Iiiiiit's family day!

And there's no better way to celebrate this day than to write a blog on the computer away from all relatives! Yay!

All I have to say is I like my family. Although I doubt I have a choice whether or not I like them because they've always been here.

If I suddenly said "I hate big families", well, I'd be an idiot.

I had a better point, but it escapes me now. *sigh*

Now, I wasn't planning on making a very long blog in the first place, but.. this is pathetic.

I'd post pictures but I don't know how.

I don't even know how to hook up the bloomin' VCR! I try, fail, try, get mad, try, give up and go get Critter.

...who laughs and says it's the easiest thing in the world.

But he hasn't taught me how to do it yet.

I think he likes that fact I go to him and beg.

I'll bet he imagines himself with a crown and a halo and me in a shabby dress kissing his feet.


So, happy family day, peoples!


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

My big brother.

In honour of valentine's day I'll open this blog with a song.

"You are my honey bun, sugar plum.
You're my sweety pie!
You're my cuppy-cake gumdrop,
snookem snookem, You're
the apple of my eye!"

Ooh! Y'know what would be super awesome mega cool? If I could write something the the shape of a heart. That would be the bomb.


To tell you the truth, I didn't realize it was valentine's day yesterday until the middle of the day.
Though, I did think to myself, "Whew, valentine's day will be here any day now!"

And I was mildly right.

So. In honour of valentine's day I will write about someone I love.

I have tons of people, but since I have pressure washing on my mind, I'll write about Jay.

I swear he's a six year old trapped in a 27 year old's body.

When we're out pressure washing, we'll be driving along in silence, when he'll suddenly ask me a question that always starts with:

"Tiana, would you be mad if-"

And it'll be anything.

"-I threw this bottle cap at you?"

"-I gave you a wet willie?"

"-I elbowed you in the face?"

Anything he thinks of at the time. Or he thinks about it awhile. I. Don't. Know.

He makes me laugh.

We'll be driving along in silence, then he'll suddenly say, "Tiana, you know I hate you, right?"

And I'll say. "Yup."

More silence. A few minutes go by. "Tiana, you know I love you, right?"


And we're good.

He loves to tell me jokes, but hasn't learned any new ones.

So, he'll be like,

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

Then he'll rack his brain trying to think of a joke...nothing..nothing....PLAN B!! PLAN B!!

"It's me. I kill you."

That's his joke.

So, after telling you only a teenie weenie itty bitty bit about Jay,
I'll leave now.


Happy valentine's day.

She gone!!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

I'm only writing a blog because.....

(Note to Adeena; I figured it was lego, but when I wrote it like that spell check was all "NO!! NO!! DEEAAATTH!" and so I wrote it the other way. That showed up "NO!! NO!! DEEAAATTH!" too, but I was like "WhatEVEEER.")


So, now that my word size is back to normal, I'll write.

Rather, I'll type. In an English accent.

..wot wot?

So old beans, I'm only writing a jolly old blog because when I asked Mom if I could go on her ol' comp she asked "To write a blog?"
I answer yes.

But, my good friends, that was not the original purpose of going on, Wot?

I was going to read other people's jolly old blogs and if someone didn't write a jolly old blog I would think about how jolly the were not.

Jolly jolly.

That's enough of me as an Englishman.

Wot wot?


I had to write a blog because mom would want to read my blog and if the purpose of going on the computer was to write a blog but then there was no blog she would have found out that my first intention was not to write a blog but to read other people's blogs thus making me a liar.

Which... I guess I am since I said yes in the first place.

So I guess the final question is..

Am I insane?

Why yes, yes I am.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Random post time!

My blog hates me.

At least that's what I gathered from when it came into my bed at night when I was sleeping with a gigantic book in it's hand and said, "I HATE you!!"

But of course I could be wrong.

On a different note;
don't you hate it when you don't want to know something but then you have to find out if it's really there?

That happened to me recently.

Stupid imagination.

I was in my room, leaning on my bed, and I happened to glance over at our leggo bucket.

It hadn't been opened in a while. And I began thinking.

"Man that's dusty. Hum. I wonder if any bugs where able to squeeze through the lid to make a nest in the leggo. I want to play with leggo- wait....w-what if.. there's a spider in there? And when I open the lid, it'll jump on my hand!!"

I imagined everything. And of course the tingle went up my spine. I just stared at the bucket.

"Oooooh... is there one in there?? Waiting..."

I actually reached out to grab the handle.
I picked it up so I could hand it to Elena and-

It slipped from my hand and fell.

I screamed and, I must say, nearly bolted away from my room.

But, there was no spider.

Elena was laughing at me because I screamed.

We caught it all on camera (which was deleted) and I've never seen my face when I scream before. (Shocker!!) I looked hilarious.


If you haven't figured it out yet I was born with the "holy-crud-is-that-a-spider-get-it-away-from-me-before-I-kill-you" gene.


Before I go, I have one more thing to say.

"Hey quarter back, how's about you and me?"

"How's about you git some brains?"


She gone!